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I glided my hand over her back and side and rear for a closer inspection. "You're not supposed to do that." "What?" "Touch me." "Why?" "That's the rules." "Are you kidding?" I was thinking that she would be a thief not to return a part of the $30. But she kept it & complaimented me on my suit. I told her it was lousy (just a disguise to get close to Nixon. I wouldn't wear a ugly thing and spend $70 plus for it for any other reason). She opened the door & I left without looking back, a mistake, a great mistake in my lifetime. Thought I'm still a virgin. I went to the West Side Airlines Terminal. I had to meet Nixon in Ottawa by the 13th (his arrival). The trip was lousy. A fat boring sheltered snob of a therology student talked nonstop with a equally sheltered and fasinated high school student. I waited 30 minutes for dinner & when I got it, last in the whole plane, we had ,,, turbilence & the "fasten seat belts" sign went on.
APRIL 10. Bremer drives from Milwaukee to Ottawa. At a Wisconsin gas station I asked each station attendant if he heard anything about Nixon going to Canada. No, they were to busy to read a paper. They must of smelled too much gasoline & it ruined their brains. He crosses into Canada with weapons hidden in his car. I instantly lost all respect for the Big Bad Canadian Customs. Could of had enough guns to start a revolution and 12 pigmyes to carry it all on their heads. I did over 90 once or twicedanger gave me an erection.
In Ottawa, Bremer waits, a revolver in his pocket, for Nixon's motorcade to pass. Fantasied killing Nixon while shooting right over the shoulder of that cop. Everyone moved in close. He went by before I knew it. Like a snap of the fingers. I had missed him that day. A woman, middle-age, gave me an antiwar anti-Nixon leaflet. You stupid bitch, stop this useless accomplish-nothing form of protest, let the security slacken & I'll show you something really evective. Tons of leaflets have been handed out all over the world for years & what did they get done?
While standing outside the U.S. embassy, Bremer watches a Mountie photograph a group of noisy demonstrators. He should have photographed the quiet ones. Never pointed his camera at me. I thought about killing as many SS men as I could. Something to show for my efforts, right in front of Nixon.
I saw what I thought to be the President's car. I went immediately to my hotel to get my gun. I stupidly took time to brush my teeth and change my suit. When I arrived back, the car was gone. Does the world remember if Sirhan's tie was on straight? That night Nixon went to a concert in his honor at the performing arts center. To wear white tie & tails & get Nixonboy, Wow!
APRIL 24. Back in Milwaukee This will be one of the most closely read pages since the scrolls in those cave. I want something to happen. All my efforts and just another goddam failure. My fuse is about burnt. I've had it. I'm tired of writting about it, about what I was gonna do, about what I failed to do. What I failed to do again & again.
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